In my life,  christian heroine for me is my mother..And now that i am also a mother, still like to cherish all my memory with her.I missed her love, her scent, her warmth body that hugging me at night when we are sleeping..She is the kindest person I’ve ever met very understanding…she thought me ” sometimes people tend to hurt and break you down,that is life.Keep on going even if u fallen a lot of times”…God challenge my mother, when i was young, all her life was fulled of frustration and depression…And turn into nervous breakdown..Our home was always closed and dark,her whole day was shouting and burning things…but in spite of that i know she has still fear with God..She hurt no one, and even she was mad and shouting everyday the fact is she don’t know how to get angry to anyone..she just expressing she hate the world, she hate  her self and hates all what happen to her, depression from my father who just depending on her mother to raised us, and when my grandmother died,its frustrate her allot because she died owing big money to a business man and our property was taken…We are five siblings she need to take care of, and its hurts so badly to her that my two sister married at age of   16..i wish that time, i am matured enough to comfort her and gave her advice to be strong and seek God..and its added to her sadness,that her old woman friend,that for her is a shoulder to cry on was move and live to different place..Her sickness almost lose her faith..In her everyday life,i never scared at her or even mad at her..i like looking at her when she was sleeping, she been exhausted all day..each day of my life i pray to Lord of her cured and my father will have a work..but it worst, it came to the point that i have to live to my untie,after 1 year i came back to her, i love her..i choose to  continue study there in our home even the condition of my mother was not good..and joined children’s choir in church, i did not stop praying,i always grasp my faith and never lose it..my mother get cured, and we are happy she said that her medicine shaken her knees but it was okay for her..she was so happy take caring her grandchild,and back again for us..she always say sorry for the years she thought she wasted,but for us there is nothing to sorry,what is important she was fine..She was so kind,in spite the poverty we are having that time she like sharing what she had..And she never get angry to the the business man,even they made big wall to our house,they were afraid maybe my mother will hurt them, but she never did..we are starting again,she said lord will provide us.but after a year her depression was repeating,,we continue loving her, and i pray  again..i am still member of the children’s choir,when i passed my exam full-scholarship at high school, i thought she wont notice it, it was so amazing that she was proud of me,..and i am so happy not because she was proud of me, happy because she was back again..she keep saying sorry again that she been failed to be a good mother for us, she said ” sorry if i did not guide u all in your growing,And i cant lead you all the path you are all going though.Trust God, He knows everything,after all my darkness here i saw a light that make me cured again and i am thankful it to Him..Please grow up strong, and acceptance for things and prayer will fight your depression”..then she was talking our neighbour and say sorry if she made always noise and smoke, sorry for all those disturbing things she made..a few weeks then she died..Only God knows why,its really pain full especially for me, because most of time i am with her, i witness all her suffer,maybe HE ended it up and my mother surrender it to God…My mother straggle, thought of me lots of things..i am open minded to the people with like her situation,they need understanding and not judging…i grew up not a revel ion..she teaches me, never hurt people even to the person that cause me pain..and be more close to God..i know my mothers love to me is with God existence..even my mother keep saying she is weak, for me she was brave..its true that i failed so many times, and here i am standing  with big faith … for my son..i know my mother was proud of me..